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Do Spiritual Friends Tell You What to Do?
Douglas Jacoby
July 24, 2024
24 July 2024
Good morning from the United Kingdom!
Lately this bulletin has offered many thought-provoking quotations. Today we feature only one. For your consideration and personal reflection, let’s consider the words of Canadian psychologist David G. Benner, which contain great wisdom for Christian friendship and discipleship. Many Christians are familiar with Benner’s trilogy, The Spiritual Journey (2003, revised 2015):
Perhaps one of his lesser known works, Sacred Companions: The Gift of Spiritual Friendship and Direction, written slightly earlier (2002), also contains much food for thought. The passage reproduced below comes from this work. These words challenge me. I need such voices if I am to grow out of my natural way of leading—and being led (authoritarian). For those of us who grew up in the '50s and '60s (especially), home life and society were more authoritarian than in today's world, and certainly this has affected us.
WHAT ARE TRUE SPIRITUAL FRIENDS?
 David G. Benner | ¶ 1 The Christian spiritual journey requires us to overcome the temptation to follow other people rather than Jesus himself. If we are blessed, we will have experiences of seeing him in spiritual friends or other Christians who share our journey. In these circumstances it is sometimes tempting to think that following them is following Jesus. But it is not. Spiritual friends help us most when they make clear that their job is to point the way, not to lead the way. And the Way to which they should point is Jesus. |
¶ 2 An equally important temptation for those seeking to offer spiritual friendship is to assume that one's own route is best for others. How easy it is to think that everyone should meet God in the way and places that I do. How easily I imagine that everyone should follow the same path of prayer, devotion or service as I have followed.
¶ 3 The task of spiritual friends is to help us discern the presence, will and leading of the Spirit of God. Spiritual friends provide a serious disservice when they authoritatively dictate the specific path we should follow. In so doing they seek to give us a map of their own creation. At best, this will distract us from a focus on Jesus and his Spirit. At worst, it leads us to focus on a map rather than God himself—and that is the sin of idolatry.
THOUGHT QUESTIONS ¶ 1 What’s the difference between pointing the way and leading the way? ¶ 1 Jesus said “I am the way” (John 14:6), and he calls us to follow him. In 1 Cor 11:1, Paul doesn’t tell us to imitate him in every way, but to surrender our rights, just as he follows Christ in this area. Have I understood Paul? ¶ 1 Consider a time when a Christian friend tried to help me focus on Jesus along my spiritual journey. What did that look like? What were helpful things they did or said? ¶ 2 Is there only one pathway to spirituality (mine)? Am I seeking a single pathway—whereas there are several pathways and spiritual disciplines? Especially if I’m a leader, have I assumed my way (my church) is the right way? ¶ 2 Has there been a time when I followed someone else’s expectations, even when it didn’t seem best according to my |  understanding of God, his Word, and the Spirit’s leading? ¶ 2 Or was there a time when I pressured someone to comply with my directions, even though they violated that person’s conscience? ¶ 2 How might I avoid these mistakes in the future? ¶ 3 Do I agree that it’s a disservice to those we’re mentoring when I authoritatively tell them what to do? ¶ 3 How do I feel when I am treated this way? ¶ 3 What does it mean to focus on “the map” rather than God himself? Is this really idolatry? |
GENDER & GAY MARRIAGE WEBINAR
Our July 13th webinar with Rubel Shelly was a success! To watch the recording, please CLICK HERE. (Remember to log in to the website first. If you’re not a member, you can subscribe at the homepage.) The next webinar (free to website members) will take place on 26 October. The guest speaker is Prof. Denis Lamoureux of the University of Alberta. The topic: Beyond the Creation & Evolution Debate. |  Rubel Shelly, B.A., M.A., M.Th., M.A., Ph.D. |
COMING UP… Next week we begin a light study of the Church Fathers, whose writings span the time from the late first century to the Council of Nicaea (325 AD) and beyond. If you don’t know much about church history, especially the 100s, 200s, and 300s, prepare to learn—and, now and then, to be surprised! Next week we’ll also offer everyone a free book! |  Later this week we head to North Carolina for uncle’s memorial service. Then I’ll be visiting friends and family (Florida, Georgia, Louisiana). Thanks for your prayers for safe travels. — DJ |